If I were to dig up my old sash from Girl Scouts, you’d find the badges still straight pinned to it. My mom never took the time to sew them on and make my hard-earned badges a permanent fixture of my childhood. I assume this is partially because who the hell wants to take the time to sew those tiny ass badges on that cheap sash, and also partially because my mom knew my time in the scouts was fleeting.
If that’s what she thought, she wasn’t wrong. Like everything else I tried as a kid, I quickly gave up on the Scouts. What my mom lacked in badge sewing, she surely made up for in making sure I took cookie sales seriously. It wasn’t hard; after all, the top prize was a stuffed animal, and I just knew it had to be mine (even the year when the theme was “wolves,” which I’m pretty sure was just residual prizes from Boy Scouts because how the hell do you figure little girls are going to bust their cookie selling asses to earn wolf merch?). This salesmanship (saleswomanship?) stuck with me, and I later went on to work in retail and outside sales, excelling at both. Today, I’ve sold you on this essay, and you’ve managed to make it to the end of paragraph two, so it’s obvious I know what I’m doing.
While the badges faded (and likely fell off; they really weren’t affixed properly) and the stuffed animal prizes were (begrudgingly) donated, what persevered is my love of Girl Scout cookies. Girl Scout cookies is a season. It means it’s time to take a break from whatever new-year, new-me bullshit I agreed to four weeks prior. It means it’s time to allow myself to have cookies for breakfast and justify it as a thing that happens only once a year (HA!). Many of you are probably sitting on a crisp $50 you have ear-marked for cookies (am I the only one with a Girl Scout cookie budget?) but are feeling lost with the plethora of choices, so I’ve taken it upon myself to rank these cookies for you (you’re welcome). In order of importance: (more…)
Two weeks after our amazing surprise wedding, my husband lost his job. It was an utterly unexpected shock. In what should have been the happiest and most exciting time of newlywed bliss, the stress of being a one-income family weighed heavily on the two of us.
Today, as my husband embarks on a new job and a new
career, I am forced to reflect on what our three-month bout of unemployment has meant for our family, and ya’ll, I learned a lot.
I was in college when I learned the term “period panties.” Learning that seemingly all of my sorority sisters also had a secret stash of faded underwear bespeckled with stains, holes, stretched elastic that they hoped they’d never be caught dead in saved in the backs of their underwear drawers made me breathe a sigh of relief at the normalcy of my own indelicate delicates.
For years I, like most women, have been rotating my ugliest most tattered pairs of undies to the back of my underwear drawer and saving them for a special occasion in which they’d be called upon to serve…my period. For me, this had been a relatively predictable cycle as I relied upon these underwear to serve as backup in the event of a leak, or worse a tsunami, during this dreaded week. That is until I changed my method of birth control and my cycle changed. Most of us are familiar with the overwhelming sadness that accompanies realizing you’ve just ruined a pair of brand new, adorable underwear, when your period sneaks up on you, unexpectedly returns (seriously though, why does this happen!?), or is in some other way unusual. However, I was quickly blowing through those 5 for $27.50 “deals” as my period changed and was becoming increasingly frustrated by the emergent need to scrub my new underwear in cold water, only to have to cut my losses and relegate them to that back corner of the drawer. Soon, I had more “period panties” than I had wearable pairs. That’s when I saw a sponsored post on Facebook for THINX.
I hemmed and hawed at the idea of THINX for months, reading reviews online, texting friends to tell them I was finally going to take the plunge, and then chickening out. I was nervous. THINX were a whole new world, and I wasn’t sure what to expect. Finally, I took the plunge and went full-on THINX. I am so glad I did. I think you will be glad to try them too, and below are five things I think you should know about THINX before taking the plunge.
I’m in the middle of a 24-day cleanse. This is my second one this year. For those of you, like me, who struggle mathematically, by the time I finish this cleanse, I’ll have cleansed for 48 days so far this year. In my first cleanse, I lost 13 lbs. This time, while I’m electing not to weigh myself until the end, I can already tell I’ve lost inches. In losing that weight and inches, I’ve gained some perspective on the most idiotic thing we tell ourselves and each other when we’re trying to lose weight.